Wed, Jun. 24th, 2009, 01:18 pm
Trust?

I'd like to learn how to love without either a) trying to find constant distraction in a partner, or b) trying to find constant comfort with a partner.  I'd like to trust life, live it without looking at the constant act of breathing as a struggle.  And I don't.  Trust life, that is.  Suspect that if I could, the loving without seeking rescue or entertainment -- that would just happen. 
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Wed, Jun. 24th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
[info]woggie

I think trust is sort of related to contentment. If you can just sit and find yourself contented for a time, that will help you trust more. Do you know how to feel contented when you want to be?
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Wed, Jun. 24th, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
[info]mystic_savage

Yes, but not always. I know how to sit and let pain recede. Sometimes contentment is possible. Sometimes not.
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Thu, Jun. 25th, 2009 10:45 am (UTC)
[info]woggie

How about gratitude? Do you know how to feel that when you want?

Gratitude brings you more of stuff.
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Sun, Jun. 28th, 2009 09:49 am (UTC)
[info]mystic_savage

Have been turning this around for a couple of days in my head. When I was in the psyche ward (20 some years ago) I used to do a here and now inventory. Yes, I was locked up and miserable, but when I focused on the moment I was safe (check), warm enough (check), fed (check), in a comfortable chair (check), had a cup of coffee in hand (check), etc, etc, etc. Sometimes doing that kind of inventory can get me into the moment. But in relationships--or, more specifically--when I'm being sexual or romantic with someone, I am less in the *moment* and more into *them*. Hm. That last bit gives me a thought about how I'd rather be with a partner. Thanks for the questions.
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Tue, Jun. 30th, 2009 10:04 pm (UTC)
[info]woggie

:)
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Thu, Jun. 25th, 2009 07:31 am (UTC)
[info]ed_dove: Contentment

I haven't found contentment through any meditative process or psychological technique. I found it by carefully examining and logically analyzing the options I have in life, and coming to the conclusion that my current situation is the best I can reasonably expect to achieve right now. Don't know if that approach might work at all for you though.
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Thu, Jun. 25th, 2009 07:45 am (UTC)
[info]ed_dove: Love is biological. Life is not trustworthy.

I suspect that the sort of love you want to learn how to feel may not even exist. It seems to me that love is "constant distraction in a partner" and "constant comfort with a partner."

As for trusting life... Bah. Life is too complicated to predict and incapable of being reasoned with. It doesn't make sense to trust anything you can't either predict or reason with.
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Sun, Jun. 28th, 2009 09:41 am (UTC)
[info]mystic_savage: Re: Love is biological. Life is not trustworthy.

Two days later -- I'm still thinking about this. Tend to agree with you about life, but was talking to Allen about this and his question was "do you need to be able to predict something to trust it?" I don't know if that's a yes or a no for me. With people, I can't predict or reason with them, but there are still people I trust to behave with good intention. Most of the time. And then sometimes, that slips too. When I was Christian, I had faith in God and in life because it came from God. Though life wasn't predictable, per se, I felt that it was all to a purpose. Daily life had a different texture for me, less frightening. I think I'd like that texture back even though I don't have the faith.
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Tue, Jun. 30th, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC)
[info]woggie: Re: Love is biological. Life is not trustworthy.

I think I'd ask Allen: Is there something you trust without being able to predict it?

If he says yes, ask him to specify.

If he answers something like God, that's a cop-out because belief in God requires no proof, and if he can't come up with something else, the answer is no.

Smiple, right? :)

I mean, there is such a thing as blind faith, but it requires a lot of courage and the ability to overuse suspension of disbelief.

If you want to live in a more or less predictable universe, then suspension of disbelief must be temporary, and you must therefore be able to predict something about your life to be able to trust what goes on in it. That's my answer, at least.
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Sat, Jun. 27th, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC)
[info]curlewbay

deep, fine food for thought

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