Assignment: a parent teacher conference done in the style of a 1930's serial adventure

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Johnson's Wax Radio Theater as we present The Beasleys!

<applause>

Announcer: Tonight: Horace and Madge Beasley have a meeting with Billy Boy's teacher, Mrs. Crabtree.

Audience: Ooooooo.

SFX: footsteps across a wooden floor, followed by rustling of papers

Mrs. Crabtree: Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Beasley, please come in and have a seat.
Horace: I have a seat right here.

Madge: <tittering> Oh Horace, you're awful.

SFX: rustling and scraping of chair against floor

Mrs. Crabtree: I hope you don't mind. I've called you here to talk about Billy Boy--

Horace: That's my boy!

Mrs: Crabtree: Yes. And he seems to have uh, a problem--

Madge: He's always been terribly shy--

Horace: Right. <snorts>. If S is for Sporting, H is for Handsome and Y is for Youthfully Bright, that's our Billy Boy!
<audience laughter>

Mrs. Crabtree: Yes, well, shyness isn't exactly the trouble. I'm not quite sure how to put this--

Horace: Straight up with a side of whiskey's always nice.
<audience laughter>

Madge: <tittering> Oh Horace, you're awful!

Mrs. Crabtree: It's that he's--

Madge: He's always been a little afraid of girls. And he gets tongue-tied and stutters. I don't think he's ever--

Horace: Now, Madge. Anyone would have been afraid of that tomboy Janie Nolan. Especially after she landed that punch on Billy Boy's shoulder.

Madge: He was sore for a week.

Horace: But I don't think he's that afraid of girls. After all, he's my boy!

Madge: <titters>
<audience laughter>

Mrs. Crabtree: Well, no. See, girls aren't the problem. The problem is that he's taken to--

Horace: Practical jokes, I'll bet. Why, when I was his age there was no end to the pranks I'd come up with. Remember Madge? When Lester Snorton and I found that slingshot--

Madge: Don't remind me.

Mrs. Crabtree: Well, no, it isn't practical jokes. It's that, when I'm trying to teach something, he--

Horace: I'll bet you're a heckuva teacher, Mrs. Crabtree.

Madge: I'm sure Mrs. Crabtree doesn't want to know--

Horace: I mean, I bet you get a lot of apples, heh heh.

Madge: Horace.

Horace: What with them apples…
<audience laughter>

Madge: Oh, you're just awful.

Mrs. Crabtree: Mr. and Mrs. Beasley, please. Billy Boy isn't pulling practical jokes, he doesn't have a problem talking to girls, and he isn't particularly shy -- I just wanted to tell you--

Horace: Then why are we here?

Mrs. Crabtree: You're here because --

Madge: He's really such a good boy, our Billy Boy. I don't know why you would have a problem with him.

Mrs. Crabtree: Because--

Horace: It isn't like he's backwards or anything?

Mrs. Crabtree: No!
Horace: So what's the problem?

Mrs. Crabtree: Because I can't get a word in edgewise!

Madge: <gasps>

Mrs. Crabtree: Every time I'm up at the board and trying to talk to the class, Billy Boy--

Horace: --interrupts? Heh heh.

Madge: <tittering> Oh Horace, you're awful.
<audience laughter>

<music>

Announcer: Join us next week on Johnson's Wax Radio Theater with the Beasleys, when we find out what Billy Boy's actually been doing with that troublemaker Timmy behind the old clubhouse.

<applause>

No Clever Title

Assignment: a parent teacher conference done in the style of a 1930's serial adventure